Short Story by: Nathan Smith

They were here for her. She would be cold and unresponsive within a few hours. He needed to save her, his Grandma. She had sheltered him since he was an infant, and he was not going to let her be interrogated and killed by an inferior, at least in his conception, species. But, he knew that it was going tobe all over very soon. In a few hours he could be dead, along with the entire human race. It was up to him. She was gone, his Grandma, his best friend, his only friend, had been taken. He felt like giving up, and granting the aliens access to everything he had ever known. He felt death coming nearer,overwhelming him, and taking control of his body. He began to succumb to the force. Then, his senses came back. He was once again in command of his body and he walked into the light. Outside it was a total anarchy. He walked over to a large hole in the ground, about five feet deep. His neighbor had been standing here, he could feel it. Anger took hold of him, and he screamed a long blood curdling, immortal scream. He would do it. He would kill them all.

A mysterious man came up behind him then, during his chaotic moment. He seemed familiar, as if he had seen him before, but he knew that he had not.Before he could comprehend what had happened, the man was gone. And he was left with a gun: a deadly Smith and Weston 500. "

"Why?" he asked. But the man was nowhere to be seen. He proceeded to the local pawn shop, and on the way pondered how he would do it. How he would take his revenge.

His name was Jebadia, and he had lived with his Grandma, Jacqueline, his entire life. He was 37 years old. From the time he was a young lad he had vowed to protect his defenseless Grandma for the rest of his life. He was defiant in school, always breaking the rules and playing hooky. His only aspiration was to one day help out, and be praised. He had never gotten recognition for his unusually bright abilities. He was, in all reality, smarter than most of his teachers. But he never knew this, as his behavior was so obnoxious that his teachers, like him, never found out about his exceptional skills. He had never left his neighborhood. The only time he left his grandmother's house was to buy groceries. But a new era was beginning, one that would change his life forever.

"Are you sure you want this rusty, old thing?" The Pawn shop clerk asked."Iwas going to throw it away. Someone found it in an antique chest."

"Could I have it for free?" asked Jebadia.

"Sure, why not, " said the clerk, " it will save me a trip to the dump."

With that, Jebadia sprinted out the door with his newly acquired grappling hook with 30 yards of moldy rope attached. He was going to find her, his Grandma, if he died trying. He had an intuition that she was still alive, but the only place he knew she could be was on one of the flying saucers. This is why he had purchased the grappling hook. His plan was rather simple really; he would grapple onto a ship, climb aboard, and find his Grandma. Then he would carry out Step Two. He would eliminate every last alien. Then he would return to his home with his Grandma in hand. As far as he could tell his chance of accomplishing this task was about five percent. Not too bad.

Then his chance came. A saucer dipped down, within his reach, to abduct another victim. He wound up, and then launched his hook onto one of the antenna protruding from the ship. He started his ascent. The rope was rather slick, from the mold, but finally he heaved himself into the cargo bay. He examined his surroundings. To his left and right were large, metal alloy walls. The ceiling was about fifteen foot up from the floor. But to his front was a pile of boxes and a door. He stepped through the door into an airlock. Then he was aboard. The air was thick and full of carbon dioxide: not very healthy for a human. A light glow was emitted by the walls that filled the corridors with a dull, grimlight.

'This is it,' he thought. Armed with his Smith and Weston 500 he took a step forward. Immediately a blaring alarm went off, and he sprinted.After about two seconds he smashed right into his foe. He shot. The alien went down, and he ran again, to no avail. He halted. Standing before his was a fifteen and one half foot tall, looming alien king.

"I am Maleki," said the alien, "and you are dead." Jebadia pulled out his gun to fire, but before he could accomplish a kill, an alien transported Maleki,all the aliens, and himself into a large field. The air smelled of flowers, and when he looked down he found he was pasture of daisies. Bees were buzzing, and the sun beamed down. Then he went berserk. He pulled out his gun and killed 5 aliens: about two hundred thousandths of one percent of the population surrounding him. But to his astonishing luck, the fifth alien he killed was the one with the transporter. He lunged onto it and with a random punching ofbuttons, managed to teleport himself back onto another alien ship, an alien shipin the recesses of space.

" Holy Burritos!" he said. Then he ran. Checking every door in every corridor, he unbelievably found her, his poor interrogated Grandma. She was alive. "Impossible," he thought, but it was true, his Grandma was alive. Now he needed to carry out Step Two of his un-elaborated plan. He quickly told his Grandma of his plan.

" No," she cried, "you mustn' t do this. This is no time for revenge. This is the time for you, my only grandson, to live. I have never asked anything of you,but now you must hear me. Do not carry out step two of your plan. Take me home.I know what the aliens plan to do. They are not planning on destroying our race.While interrogating me, the aliens hinted that they were after something, something that they, themselves, lacked. They would interrogate Earth until they found what they were after: the secret of how our Earth holds together, thesecret of love."

In that moment Jebadia knew that she was right, he knew what he must do. With his Grandma on his back he sprinted until he came to his end, an escape pod. He climbed aboard. Strangely enough, the controls were rather simple. There were two buttons, a joystick, and a screen. One button read, 'go', and theother read, 'stop'. He could easily handle this. The next moment he was gone.

Flying through space at a very fast velocity he looked in the rearview mirror. Yes, the alien escape pod had a rearview mirror. He thought he saw something, a glimmer in the corner of the mirror. He knew then what it was: a fleet of ships, all coming toward him. Then he blinked and they were behind him, blasting his ship with their advanced alien weaponry: the laser. He was hit, and he spiraled down, right into a dot that was growing bigger. Then he saw it, he was heading right for a large green hill. Smash! His Grandma and himself were thrown out of the ship and landed in a clump of tall, plush grass. The sky was clear.The wind blew, and the small cool stream right next to him splashed water in hisface. He laughed. Smash! Another ship thudded into the ground. Then a thousand more followed right into the ground. He picked up his Grandma and ran. An abandoned nuclear power plant loomed ahead of him, once cooled by the creek. He entered into it. The air glowed ahead of him and he knew it was all over. He was going to die.

The aliens filtered in. Then it happened. The oxygen from his breath caused a chain reaction with the particles in the air causing the generator to explode. He grabbed his Grandma and lunged behind a pipe. The aliens were all hit with a massive blast of radiation, but instead of dying like humans, they shrunk. The aliens had never before been introduced to nuclear radiation and their cells rather than dying, shrunk. Jebadia could not explainthis phenomenon. After a minute every last alien was about one inch in height, short enough to pose no more threat to Jebadia and his Grandma.

In that instant an amazing thing happened. As the radiation came behind the pipe he blacked out.He was in a strange land, a land with volcanoes, mountains, and spaghetti. A land created by his imagination, or so he thought. A voice spoke to him: the voice of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. "Do not fear, for I am the illusive Flying Spaghetti Monster, and I am here to tell you about your life from now on.When you wake up you will be a pirate, one of my followers, for you have been changed. You will be temporarily immortal. Your story of how you saved Earth from the alien race will live on in your world, but your sacred pirate life will be one of anguish: your grandmother was not so lucky. Her body failed after the radiator blew up. Do not fear, for she will not have died in vain. She taught you a lesson of great importance, a lesson of love, of how human life itself exists. Now go, for you have a life to live."

With that Jebadia awoke,and he lived.