Ask A Real Girl

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2007-03-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

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Job or Marriage?

2007-03-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

Rose, 22
Groblersdal
Asks:

I'm a student doing a practical Year in Agriculture, I have the opportunity to walk into a good job after I graduate, but I'm also in love with a man 250km away, that wants to get married next year. I'm confused. What do I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

Are there no jobs where your man is? I'm confused.

I think it is blatantly obvious if you WANT to marry someone. If your job opportunities are better than his, why doesn't he move? Someone is going to have to sacrifice something if you are going to be together. Is either of you ready to do that?

I Want to Break Up

2007-03-07T16:21:00.000-05:00

Kelly, 16
Asks:

My boyfriend is jealous and he doesn't want me to have male friends or anything to do with them. He sometimes gets attitudes with me about little things. I don't know...I want to break up with him, but I'm scared of his reaction and what he will do.

Lee's Thoughts:

You should definitely NOT break up with him. You should definitely stay with him and have no guy (or other) friends that he disapproves of. Its HIS RIGHT to tell you who you should be friends with. You should listen to every word he says and be sure you act only in the specific way that he wants you to. You should be quiet and loving and faithful and hopefully he'll propose so that you can be married to this wonderful, generous, loving man and have this easy, dictated life for the rest of your days.....

(ahem...if anyone did NOT catch the sarcasm...I apologize for being so vague)

For my NON-sarcastic answer....This guy is scum. You can stay with him if you really want, but then you can never complain about him ever, because it was your decision to torture yourself with his insanity.

If you are truly fearful for your safety and he is truly a crackpot that would do something drastic because a girl doesn't want to be with him, be sure to tell your parents, tell your friends, tell a guidance counselor, tell SOME responsible adult that you are planning on breaking up with him and are concerned about his reaction.

Otherwise, who gives a flying potato what he will "do" or what his "reaction" will be???????

Get on with your life girl!!

A Guy with a Girlfriend

2007-02-22T16:16:00.000-05:00

Agirl, 16
Minnesota
Asks:

I like this guy, but he has a girlfriend. He has been giving me signals tho' and I heard him say that if they dump each other, he's going to ask me out. My question is, does he like me? Why would he say something like that if he wasn't planning to break up with her?

Lee's Thoughts:

I don't know if you've noticed this, but high school relationships last about 30 seconds each...a full five minutes if you are REALLY lucky. So, just hang on until lunchtime and they will probably be broken up.

I'm sure he does like you. Just remember if you ever date him, that he had a wandering eye while in a relationship before. He'll have a wandering eye again.

Office Romance Fizzled

2007-02-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

kcube, 35
Office
Asks:

I have crush on my 22 year co-worker who recently joined 3 months ago. It all started when she began hitching a ride home with me. For the 1st few session I treated her like a normal co-worker. The more I get to know the more I am attracted to her. It took me a week to overcome all of my insecurities before I dared even to asked her out.

Finally, I was able to sum all my courage and call her to tell her that I had very strong feelings for her. Unfortunately, she told me that is already attached. Now do not know how I can still face her at the office normally. This feeling for her is so difficult to flush out of my system since this is the first lady in so many years that I have had the courage to ask out. I still have the silly thought that I can wait some time maybe her relationship won't work, so that I may have a chance. How do get her out of the mind? Will a girl accept another man courtship if she only attached for a few months? I am emotional wreck now.

Lee's Thoughts:

It is totally classless to go after a girl AFTER she tells you that a) she's not interested and b) she has a boyfriend. Respect yourself enough to lay off. Relationships at work are very difficult and almost always frowned upon by management. So, you probably are better off.

Yes, you can always wait until/if she breaks up with this guy, but what kind of life is that? There are more fish in the sea my friend. She was attractive due to proximity, not because she is THE ONE.

Keep looking and keep up that courage. You did a great job giving her a call, now you know you can do it. Call up another girl you want to go out with. Call up two or three. You're a free man. Have fun!!

A Hang Up

2007-02-09T10:05:00.000-05:00

Christina, 16
Royal City
Asks:

What would you do if a guy hung up on you and didn't call back?

Lee's Thoughts:

That would depend on what was said before the hang up. Was I being an ass? (totally possible). Was he? Was it an argument? Was he being mauled by a bear and had to hang up?

Don't think about the hang up. Think about what happened before the hang up. Then decide what you need to doo.

Does He or Doesn't He?

2007-02-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

confused, 15
Joliet
asks:

Ok, I am 15 and I like this guy. All my friends say he likes me, but I don't know. He just broke up with his girlfriend, but before he did, a girl asked him if he liked me. He didn't say no, but he said, "I have a girlfriend." He looks at me differently than he does to other girls and when we do get the chance to talk, we talk the whole period.

Today since he was dropping tech class, my friend asked him for a hug. He hugged her like he didn't want to (he used one hand) but when I asked him for one he was like, "Yeah you can have a hug" in a happy way (and hugged me with two hands). I don't know if he likes me. Please help.

Lee's Thoughts:

He's nice to you. He enjoys hugging you. He didn't say he DIDN'T like you. He talks to you for the whole period. What more evidence do you need? HE LIKES YOU!

He also wasn't going after other girls when he had a girlfriend, so he's a somewhat decent guy.

Go for it girl!!

Act of a Best Friend

2007-01-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

Amber, 25
Alabama
Asks:

My best friend of 5 years is engaged to marry her boyfriend of 4 years. She says she loves him dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she wants me to be in hers too, so I am helping her plan her wedding.

At the same time - she is also with another man anytime she is not with her fiance. They go out on dates, they have sex, they do the sweet sappy love letters and text messages to each other. He even bought her a star for Christmas and spent another $300 on her for a spa treatment package. She says that she loves guy B dearly and cannot imagine the rest of her life without him. So I am stuck in the middle of helping her plan her wedding with guy A while she is also in love with guy B.

She says she wishes she could just have them both and not have to make a decision. She says she knows its wrong but she just can't stop- "When I'm with guy B I just can't tell him no". What is a best friend to do? I can't tell her anything - she won't hear it. I tried to tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore - that I can't sit down with her and help her plan her wedding while she is also telling me about being with this other man. But after telling her that - she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She says I'm judging her - and abandoning her and that I'm just a fair weather friend. I don't know what else to do. It breaks my heart to see her do this to herself and to her loved one(s). Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost? ExBestFriend

Lee's Thoughts:

It's difficult when someone you've loved and stood by all of these years starts acting in an unacceptable manner. It forces you to decide about the person YOU will be and the a actions YOU will take.

If you help her plan this wedding and then stand up at the altar with her, the minister, and her ignorant and deceived fiance in front of a crowd of people....you are supporting her and her decisions. You are saying that its OKAY for her to falsely proclaim her love and loyalty to this man in front of GOD AND EVERYONE.

You are not stuck anywhere. You are an adult who freely chooses her life. If you choose to go along with this sham of a wedding and this sham of a life she is leading, you are no better than she.

She is an immature brat who has no business getting married. She has no idea what it takes to sustain a true, loving, and lasting marriage and she will never reap the benefits of one if she finds this acceptable behavior. Do you? Your decision in these next moments, and in these next months will DEFINE you and clearly show the kind of person YOU are. We already know what kind of person she is.

As I said in the beginning, I know its not easy to break off a friendship, but this is not a friend you want to have. If she were twisting the heads off puppies, your decision might be easier. But in this case, it is much easier to just go along with it, to help her plan the party, to wear a pretty dress, drink champagne and toast to the inevitable destruction of two lives. It's the FUN decision.

The HARD decision is to tell her in no uncertain terms that you can not and will not support or celebrate this marriage. Feel free to tell her you love her, you'll be there for her, but this is NOT the wedding or marriage you envisioned for her. YES you are being judgemental, because that's what friends do...they tell each other when they are making flat out BAD DECISIONS. I JUDGE people all the time. Through my JUDGEMENTS, I decide if they are worth my time, if they are people that inspire or disgust me.

Tell her a) You will not be able to participate as her maid of honor. b) If she doesn't tell her fiance about the other guy, you will. c) You'd really love to remain friends, but you completely understand if that is not possible.

It is the adult thing to do. It is what a TRUE FRIEND would do. It's what anyone who has any respect for marriage would do.

Now, what will you do?

Oblivious

2007-01-26T14:18:00.000-05:00

Richard, 24
Alabama
Asks:

I work at my fathers tire company and about a year ago a girl came in to get some tires. We exchanged glances and spoke casually several times . Since then she has come back about 3 times for various reasons and we talk more and more "casual conversation" every time she visits. The last time she came into the store was a few days ago and I was out making deliveries. My dad told her I was out and that I would be back soon. She came in to drop off some money but ended up just hanging around for 45 minutes talking to my mom and dad in the office. I can't tell if she was waiting to see me of if she was just killing time. Every time she came in to the store she would always give me these looks, but me being so oblivious as to how women act, I don't know if she likes me or if she's just being social.

Lee's Thoughts:

Richard, ladies don't like tires, tire companies, or anything to do with car maintenance enough to hang around for 45 minutes if there isn't some ulterior motive.

She's totally flirting. The next time she comes in, ditch work and take her out to lunch. Even better yet, call her and ask her out to lunch. She'll LOVE IT!

To be a Family Again

2007-01-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

Darran, 20
Nebraska
Asks:

I have been with this girl off and on from sixth grade. Everything was great. I couldn't have asked anything better. Then, four year's ago, I smoked pot and lied to her about it over and over. She left me for it.

I am so sorry for what I did, but now it's too late to take back. I love her so much, it ain't even worth trying to explain. I can't blame her. I know I hurt her. I lost all her trust , love, friendship and respect. All of her friends and her parents tell her I will never change, to move on. I love her and my little boy more than I could ever explain. I want to be a family again. At least be friends. So, I guess my question to you is can you help me.

Lee's Thoughts:

First, decide how important pot is to you. Do you need to have it? Is it worth giving it up if it will give you a chance to be with your family again? Make that decision for yourself and then proceed.

You also know that this is not a pot issue, its a trust issue. Trust is extremely difficult to win back once you have lost it, especially if you have defaced her trust REPEATEDLY. If you have told her many times that you have changed, and haven't, she would be stupid to take you back on yet ANOTHER promise. This may take years depending on your girlfriend and your commitment to changing.

So, first make the commitment to yourself about the person you want to be. You need to do this for yourself as much as her and your son. I wouldn't even tell her about your changes until you have made a plan for yourself and implemented them for at least a month or two. Stop smoking pot and any other self-destructive activities that have led you away from the life you want to lead. Work hard. Save money. Keep your apartment clean, full of food for your child, and free from people who would distract you from your goals and your path. Get a haircut (girls notice this stuff). Wear a clean shirt and treat her NICELY. Don't blame her if she thinks this is all just an act. She's used to the old you, not the new you. If you keep it up and make it a LIFE CHANGE, she'll notice and she'll appreciate it.

Once you've begun to live a life you are proud of, take her out to dinner, just as friends. Again, BE SWEET and explain to her your goals, what you've accomplished and that you hope to rekindle your friendship with her. (You can't expect her to fall over in love and marry you right away..so take it slowly).

Essentially, be nice and be proud of yourself. Like I said, this may take a while, but if you put in the effort, the rewards will be plentiful.

One or the Other?

2007-01-15T09:52:00.000-05:00

Jack, 44
BC Canada
Asks:

How would you handle this? You have a former boyfriend that you want to give another try. But you have some sexual feelings for some else. The ex gives the best blowjobs ever. The other doesn't do that stuff.

Lee's Thoughts:

Assuming for one second that blow-jobs are not the ultimate test of a lasting and fulfilling relationship. I'd just go out with both for a while and see which you connect with best. Why not? Just be open with both of them that you are not dating anyone exclusively right now. As long as you are honest, there's nothing to be guilty about. We're all adults, right?

As for the blowjobs, if one guy isn't doing it as great as he could. Give him some direction!! How else will he learn what you like and what you don't?

How to Start a Conversation

2007-01-12T15:00:00.000-05:00

Calvin, 15
Texas
Asks:

How would you start a conversation with a girl you don't know, but like, on myspace?

Lee's Thoughts:

First, how far away is this girl? Is it really worth it to start up an online relationship if she is three states away? Sounds like you are setting yourself up for some heartache.

BUT, if you must...how do you start a conversation with anyone? How do you even know/like this girl if you aren't already in conversations with her? Treat her like a human that you would like to get to know better. Ask her questions about herself and tell her about yourself. If she seems to be interested in what you have to say, and vice versa, you got something there!

Kira, 17 New York Asks: I really like this guy an...

2007-01-10T15:16:00.000-05:00

Kira, 17
New York
Asks:

I really like this guy and I think he likes me too. Would it be weird for me to ask him out? It just feels awkward for a girl asking a guy. How would I ask him?

Lee's Thoughts:

Go for it!! Why not?

Just make it casual. Ask him if he wants to join you and a few friends for a movie one weekend. Ask him if he wants to go out for pizza after his football/basketball/chess game. Ask him if he wants to study for the big geometry exam with you. Ask him if he's interested in the new display at the museum. Whatever. Act like you are going to do this stuff anyway, but it would be cool if he wanted to come.

There is absolutely NO reason a girl shouldn't ask a guy out. Especially since he seems to already be interested...sounds like you will have it easy!! Good luck.

In Love With a Cheater

2007-01-10T15:00:00.000-05:00

Kingston, 16
Washington DC
Asks:

I am in love with a girl who has a boyfriend. She cheats on him with me. Should I ask questions about their relationship?

Lee's Thoughts

If she is cheating on him with you, she will cheat on you with another guy. Even if she doesn't, won't you always wonder if she is...since you know she is capable of it? Why do you want to be the whore? Put yourself in that other guys shoes. What would you think of you??

In answer to your question, ask away.

Silent Treatment

2007-01-05T16:45:00.000-05:00

Sam, 26
Illinois
Asks:

Hi, my girlfriend has stopped communicating with me since Xmas when I had some of my friends over for dinner. She just went into her room and did not even bother to see off my friends when they left. I told her in plain words that it is not good manners to disrespect guests. She has stopped talking to me and refuses to talk. What should I do?

Lee's Thoughts:

You are 26 years old. Do you really have time for these games? I'm sure you work, maybe go to school, have a few friends and hobbies. Do you really want to waste your life running after some childish little girl who won't tell you what her problem is???? (Sorry, but dramatic, unresponsive females REALLY annoy me).

You've tried to discuss this with her. You've explained your position and (I assume) asked her what she is so peeved about. If she won't provide an explanation, she doesn't deserve to be pissy. She's just being an attention-grubbing baby.

If I were you, I'd sit her down and tell her that this is the last time you are going to address her behavior. She has this chance, and this chance only to discuss it and help you help her feel better (by apologizing or trying to change something in the relationship, or whatever). If she chooses not to talk about it, that's fine, but this silence crap has to stop.

So her choices are this:

a) discuss and move on with dropped attitude
b) don't discuss and move on with dropped attitude
c) You move on without her, not worrying about her crappy attitude

I Proposed to my Boyfriend

2007-01-05T13:07:00.000-05:00

Bianca, 17
Florida
Asks:

Is it okay for me to ask my boyfriend to marry him? Because I just did and now I am confused. Please help me.

Lee's Thoughts:

No, its not.

Tell him you were joking. Tell him you'll marry him in five years. Go to college. Get a degree. Get some life experience. Live on your own. Pay your own bills.

If he's around after five years, THEN GET MARRIED.

A Lesson in Obvious

2007-01-04T08:45:00.000-05:00

Claire, 13
Ludlow
Asks:

What do I do now? This popular guy asked me to be his girlfriend (and I'm not popular). Then he never talked to me, and then dumped me at a field trip, in the cafeteria. Then he found himself another girl and is hugging her and talking to her when he should have been doing that to me. HELP!!!!!!!!!! Oh yea,my friends say he asked me to be his girlfriend as a joke.

Lee's Thoughts:

Okay, I'm going to allow that you are only 13 years old and this MAY not be incredibly obvious, so I won't make THAT big of a deal about how O.B.V.I.O.U.S. this is.....

This guy is an ass. I don't give a flying spaghetti monster how popular he is. HE IS AN ASS.

Forget about him. Don't talk about him. Don't stress about him. Don't allow him one tiny precious second within your mind.

Be happy that you aren't the one with his disgusting jerkface hands all over you. Be PROUD that that sort of person is not in your life and remember that you DON'T WANT that sort of person in your life.

You also may want to print out this letter and tape it to your bathroom mirror so that you WILL NEVER FORGET.

Good luck.

Does He???

2007-01-04T08:22:00.000-05:00

Terri, 17
Maine
Asks:

The guy I like occasionally waits for me so we can walk down the hall to our next class. He chose the paint (that there is only one of) and said that he was going to sit next to me to share. I of course, didn't object. He also includes me in his conversations and ask asks me opinion on every, and I mean every, topic.

However, that is only for the last two periods (which are 40 minutes long) of the school day. We never see each other outside of school. Would you say he likes me? I'm not trying to be naive, but we have only know each other for about four months now. I really like him and if he were to ask me out I would say 'yes'.

Lee's Thoughts:

Yes, he likes you.
Why not ask him out?

Deal-Breakers

2007-01-03T08:29:00.000-05:00

Neha, 29
India
Asks:

After a lovely 4 year relationship, my guy broke up with me because I refused to stay with his parents after marriage (its an Indian tradition that after marriage the girl stays with the boy's family).

I am so heartbroken and I feel guilty that perhaps I could have adjusted with everyone at his house. The guy refuses to talk to me and this guilt is killing me. I feel that I have done something really immature and I am not being able to forgive myself.

Lee's Thoughts:

Well of COURSE you COULD have lived with the family, adjusted, been a traditional wife...but obviously, that's not you. That is not the life you want. You and your boyfriend confronted a crucial issue and resolved it.

When pondering taking a partner for LIFE, this is one of the many important questions that you must ask yourself and each other. What sort of marriage/family/life will WE create for ourselves and our children? Will it be traditional or non-traditional? What religion will we follow, if any? How strict will we be with our religion? These are things that so many people fail to address when they get caught up in the blinding light of new dresses, parties, and all that is involved in the WEDDING. They forget about the years and years of actual marriage that will follow. YOU are doing the right thing. YOU are being strong and true to yourself.

Trust yourself. You know this guy. You love this guy. You know his family. You also know about Indian traditions. You obviously do NOT want to include some of these traditions in your life as an adult. Try to talk to your guy and see if he can be flexible on some points. See if he is willing to ditch the living-with-parents-thing if you would be willing to participate in other rituals and traditions of your culture. If he won't talk to you, write him a letter. Hopefully you can come to a compromise, but if this one issue is a deal-breaker, then you don't belong together. You want different things.

We Need a Jolt

2006-12-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

Wings, 38
Ontario
Asks:

What is the best way to have a woman of 6 years fall in love with you? I asked for her hand and she said yes, but due to my stress filled business I was over looking the big picture. I'm no longer with the company and it seems to be going smoother but we need a jolt of some kind. Please advise.

Lee's Thoughts:

I have no idea what "a woman of 6 years" is. Is this a woman of 6 years old?!?!? Is this a woman you've been dating for 6 years? I'm hoping that we're talking about the latter. You asked for her hand in marriage I guess? Not on a platter hopefully. So you are engaged and she is not in love with you? Yeah, that's a problem, and it has nothing to do with your job.

I'll give you the same advice I give to our 13 year old readers. Be nice to her. Pay attention to her. Make HER feel loved. It sounds like you've forgotten these essentials. That will be a nice jolt.

He Wants Another Chance

2006-12-19T09:05:00.000-05:00

Jo, 15
Ohio
Asks:

I dated a girl about a year ago. I did something really stupid and we broke up. Her friends say she still likes me. I like her and I want to ask her out again. She hasn't said herself that she likes me though. I want to ask her out again. How should I approach the matter?

Lee's Thoughts:

I would say that the friend-connection is a good source of info. They have her best interests at heart and they would not have let it slip that she likes you if she didn't.

What to do? Start by taking it slowly. Just talk to her normally, like a guy friend. Say hello in the hallways. Compliment her on her basketball game last night (or dance recital, or art show, or band performance...whatEVER). Be NICE to her and show her some interest. That will definitely set things in motion in a smooth way. You want to become friends with her again.

When you've done that, be alert for the moment to see if she's ready to take it to the non-platonic level. You can ask her to a dance, invite her out for pizza after school, a movie, anything fun and easy and there you go! You're dating!!

Just take it easy. Don't stress about whatever stupid thing you did back in the day. We've all done something stupid. If it comes up, just laugh it off and admit that you would take it back if you could.

Let us know how it goes!!

Long-Distance Drama

2006-12-18T08:05:00.000-05:00

Franco, 30
Phoenix
Asks:

I have been chatting online with a girl for about 8 months on and off. She is from another country and is going to university. I was getting ready to visit her back in August but things happened and 1 week before my trip I had to cancel. I called her on the phone to let her know and she was very upset. She said that she had planned things for us, she took vacation from work and she also told me that although it may seem selfish on her part, she does not want me to visit her anymore, call her etc.

She sent me an e-mail after a few months, telling me that she changed her phone number. She also told me that she was thinking about me and dreaming about us meeting at the airport for the first time. (She had gone to the airport and sat there thinking about me.) She also said that she hates feeling this way because it may not work between us and that she has to forget. Well I decided to visit her for 4 days. It was amazing. I have very strong feelings for her and she told me the same. She wanted me to stay with her and not go back to the USA.

Well, I came back a few days ago and I called her on the phone. The conversation was nice. I could feel her love. I have not felt like that for a long time. I would love to be with her forever. She plans to go to the US after graduation (internship). She does not know were but I have the feeling that she does not want to live here in Phoenix with me. After that she plans to go to Europe for a few months and then after that she will consider having a boyfriend and getting married. With me or someone else.These are her own words. Now when we chat I get the sensation that she is cold with me. As if it bothers her when I call her. I don't want to upset her and seem as if I am a possessive person. Please give me some advice.

Lee's Thoughts:

It sounds as if you both see some possibility in this relationship. The key is, you must both be willing to start making some plans to be with each other on a more regular basis. Long distance relationships cannot work without some sort of goal of being together in the future. If you want to be with her, you need to express that you would like her to look for internships in Phoenix. If she interns in the U.S., but 500 miles away from you, that doesn't do any good. She may be waiting for you to show some interest before she makes any final plans. If you tell her your feelings and she still doesn't want to be with you after graduation, I don't see how this relationship can work.

If you can be together in the same city for a few months, you'll have a better idea about if a relationship is possible. If things are going well after that, why not go to Europe together?

She needs to know that you care, that she is not just some one-time fling. Telling her that is not "being possessive", its being romantic. She's told you how she feels, now its your turn. You will have to risk sharing your feelings or she will continue to be cold in defense of her heart and herself.

Asking without Asking

2006-12-14T12:27:00.000-05:00

Claire, 13
Ludlow
Asks:

What's the perfect way to ask out a guy,without having to ask him face to face? I mean to ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend.

Lee's Thoughts:

If you cannot have a serious face to face conversation with this person, you just aren't ready to have him as a boyfriend. Sorry. It's part of being a mature person and I guess you just aren't there right now. Wait until next year.

Pregnancy Without Sex??

2006-12-03T10:34:00.000-05:00

Jaime, 15
California
Asks:

I have never had sex with a guy. I hate sounding stupid because I know that no sex= no baby. But I'm always naked with my boyfriend when we do stuff and I'm wondering if accidentally I may have gotten pregnant somehow? Is this possible? Am I just imagining being late on my period?

Lee's Thoughts:

YES this is possible. Even if there is no penetration, as long as his ejaculate gets near your vagina, those tough little sperm can get up inside of you and to your eggs. Also, he doesn't even NEED to ejaculate. If you notice, guys release a tiny bit of clear liquid before they actually come at all. This stuff is packed with sperm too, so even if you are having sex and he is pulling out before he comes (the oh-so-popular "pull out and pray" method)...there is a huge chance you could be changing diapers in nine months. Even if he is just rubbing around on the outside, STILL a huge change for pregnancy.

If you think you are mature enough for this type of closeness, then you should be mature enough to talk to your mom and make an appointment for the gynecologist to get on some sort of birth control. And always back up your pill with yet another method.

Blow Jobs

2006-11-20T11:33:00.000-05:00

Gloria, 21
South Africa
Asks:

I think this sounds silly, how do I give a 'BLOW JOB'?

Lee's Thoughts:

Not silly at all!! This is a VERY important technique to have "under your belt" if you are interested in pleasing a guy. It's also very handy if you just aren't up for all of the hot heavin...but want him to be pleased and satisfied. It usually doesn't take long if you are doing it right.

However, unfortunately I have not been blessed with the *magic wand* as guys are...so I have no idea what works and what doesn't. Another problem, each guy is different. What is heaven to one will be hell to another.

I'm not completely in the dark. I do know a few things to think about.

I know sometimes some gentle teeth is good, but not TOO MUCH. I know you should never neglect the balls (nice soothing caresses can sometimes push a guy over the edge) and I know you have to aim for a good rhythm while also changing it up once in a while in order to avoid just plain rub-burn. Also, never forget lube, lube, lube. Be sure to keep everything nice and wet.

But, as I said, each guy is different, so you need to talk to him. Ask him what he likes. He'll be happy to tell you. Be sure he isn't afraid to tell you if you are doing something that just isn't doing it for him. The first few times it is a bit of a team effort. That is the beauty of sex, getting closer, getting to know each other and finding out what turns you on.

Also, this is where it comes in really handy to have a platonic guy friend. You can ask him. He'd be happy to educate you. It's a fun topic to discuss. In turn you can educate him about the female body. All of his future girlfriends will thank you.

HAVE FUN!!